Keeping My Eye on The Prize

For those of you still bearing with me through this whole venture, thank you and greetings! I am definitely still mastering the art of balance. After returning back to work and still adjusting to parenthood and being a new mom, I feel like I am in a whirlwind.

Since I have a few free minutes I decided I would give a little life update. I have returned back to my job after twelve blissful weeks of family time and baby snuggles. I had hoped that I wouldn’t have to return to work after having Theodore, but not everything has gone according to plan. Surprising, right? Because when does life ever really go as planned? Atlas, I am back at my job and embracing  being a working Mom. Thankfully, I have been able to go back to work part time which has made leaving Theodore a lot more bearable. It has been very healthy for me to have a reason to have to leave the house multiple times a week and to have various social interactions.  Its crazy how much you don’t realize you have secluded yourself after having a baby.

The balance of work and family is starting to become manageable, although I am always begging for more time with my boys in our little infinity.

But, for a few weeks things did not seem manageable.

I was trying to  keep myself very tightly together and suddenly everything started to feel out of control. I blame sleep deprivation first and for most. I also blame postpartum because the whole experience is just so damn much, not to mention the ragging and changing hormones.

For a few days I feel like I really lost my composure and in those days I learned some very valuable things.

  • For one, you can’t give up. If you give up and you quit then you will never know how far you can go. There have been so many days from my pregnancy to today (three months postpartum) that I all I wanted was to give up. Knowing what I know now, all I would change was my negative attitude and faith in my ability to handle the storm and ride out the waves.
  • For two, you can’t stress about life. No matter what you’re going to have struggles and life is going to test you. The more you stress about it the more you are wasting your time and energy, which is quiet limited if you think about it.
  • For three, it really helps to talk about your feelings. As cliche as it is, it’s true. Just talking out the thoughts in your head can help any situation. I found myself feeling all this pint up negative energy leave my body as soon as I started talking about the way I was feeling.
  • Lastly, keep goals in front of you. After a few months of things not going at all the way we have planned, I am proud to say we have pushed  through all the bullshit and are still battling strong. How? By setting goals everyday. We started with little ones and tackled big goals we had for months, all within a few weeks.

I am so thankful that I have had a partner to go through the trenches with and a family that loves and helps us as we endure adulthood and parenthood. I am finally feeling like things are settling down again and I am able to gather myself. With that being said, I am hoping to keep the updates coming and dedicate more time to this venture of mine.




The Sound of Silence

I used to hate the sound of my own thoughts. It really used to be a problem for me when I was younger. I would do just about anything to keep my thoughts from over flowing in my head. I eventually learned to hate the sound of silence.  I constantly had music playing, a TV on, or was talking to myself at the very least. I would do anything to keep from being silent. By time I realized it was a problem I was scared to embrace the quiet.

Yesterday as I was rocking my son to sleep, the only sound I could hear was the whisper of the wind and the singing bird voices, & I realized in that moment how much I LOVE the quiet moments now. I honestly didn’t think that would ever happen. Between constantly over thinking, over analyzing everything, and always studying human nature, my mind was always a chaotic mess. Everything in my life has been out of control for as long as I can remember and sometimes my thoughts got really weird and some even really bad. Now, I am in such a state of happiness and bliss. I may still think a thousand miles a minute but I feel a lot more in control of my life and especially my thoughts. I have really pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone so that I can face fears, such as being in complete silence or allowing my thoughts to overtake my anxieties.

For me, one of the best ways to accomplish this was learning to shut everything off. Taking baby steps like not listening to music when I work out and focusing on the sound of my breathing (heavy breathing, I might add) , or turning off the TV and opening the window to focus on the sound of bird melodies, or putting my phone down before I am ready to go to sleep to allow my thoughts to bring me to slumber, all of these things have truly changed the amount of stress and anxiety in my life.

I am falling in love with silence for the first time, its intoxicating & its really beautiful.  I feel like I am balancing out the constant intake of information.

Whether you have struggled with letting the quiet in or if you enjoy the silence more than anything…take a moment to just exist.